let me tell you about my mom
Posted on January 23rd, 2007 at 12:11 pmAlthough the anniversary of Mom’s death is two days from now, today is her birthday and I would prefer to think about her life.
I wrote her a letter last year. Today, I don’t particularly want to cry.
I keep thinking about my mom as an artist. Oh, she was. Not many would have seen her that way as she lived a mundane, sort of unexceptional life. But she wasn’t unexceptional.
Many times I got the very strong sense that she had awesome creativity just below the surface. I can’t describe it. It was as if she had a million things to say and immeasurable, intangible imagery that she needed to communicate but had never, in all her years, found just the right medium in which to bring it alive.
Once I realized this, my concept of her as an incredibly frustrated individual intensified by many times. It wasn’t that long after that her life ended.
In the most recent years, I was glad to see her begin to notice and embrace things that made her herself. Before them I don’t think she acknowledged they were there. She was finally coming into her own. She bought flower arrangements simply because she liked to surround herself with them. She discovered that she appreciated the work of local artisans. She thought about writing a book, or more, instead of just reading them. She knocked down inhibitions and painted her kitchen red.
She discovered that she was willing to consider options that she had previously insisted she couldn’t.
I am privileged in that I have been able to experiment with many art forms. While there isn’t just one form that I use for my expression, I use what I have and will keep journeying through different means.
As I create, or discover new ways to create, I think about Mom. I wonder if whatever I am doing with my hands would have exhilarated and healed her in the same way. I’ve come across a lot of things that I can envision myself explaining to my mom, down to every last step. The opinions she gives are only guesses at what her reactions really would be.
Her unrealized potential is the main thing that twitches my sense of loss and sometimes guilt. I wish there were still time to tell her that she was an artist.
Happy Birthday, Mom.
January 23rd, 2007 at 3:41 pm
Happy Birthday Mom - lovely thoughts for her today. I’m sorry that there are so many unanswered questions and what-if’s for you. ((((hugs))))
January 23rd, 2007 at 3:48 pm
Your mom shared a birthday with Terri and my nephew. I’m sorry she isn’t here any longer. I would have liked to meet her.
January 23rd, 2007 at 4:25 pm
I’m so sorry. I am in tears on your behalf.
xo
January 23rd, 2007 at 5:27 pm
Happy Birthday Roses Mom…..you raised an amazing, articulate, artistic daughter.
And she knows it Rose, because she can see it in you, and perhaps, just perhaps, she sees her unrealized potential in you, what better way to be a mom but to instill in someone you love all those attributes that you yourself have.
January 23rd, 2007 at 5:43 pm
Beautiful post. I wish I had something profound to say, but I suck at stuff like that. So sorry.
January 23rd, 2007 at 7:32 pm
Wonderful words and what a wonderful and loving way you have expressed for us to meet your Mom through you. I know she is, and always was, proud of you and so very blessed to have you as her daughter.
I imagine your Mom now being able to fully and fluently express herself. And, I’m sure she loves her children and grandchildren more than can be expressed with words.
January 23rd, 2007 at 8:18 pm
Happy Birthday, Rose’s mom.
January 23rd, 2007 at 8:21 pm
Happy Birthday, Rosie’s Mom. I thought about her today. And you too.
January 23rd, 2007 at 9:49 pm
Happy Birthday Mom!
i lost my dad almost 6 years ago, and sometimes i got t he same sense from him. he was very ill as a young child, and i think it held him back in ways that wouldn’t happen today (he would be 81 now). i’m a lot like him. i’m not happy if i’m not doing something with my hands.
my son is the spitting image of my dad. down to the dimples and the laugh. sometimes i wonder if the potential that was my dad will be fulfilled in my son.
January 24th, 2007 at 6:25 am
That sounds so much like my own mother. My mom will be gone 18 years this next May 1. She was also very creative and very frustrated.
I am sorry for your loss. It’s a tough thing to live with, I’m here with you.
January 25th, 2007 at 9:26 am
What a touching tribute to your mom, Rosemary. There is no doubt your mom is proud of you!
January 26th, 2007 at 9:01 am
Sniff.
January 26th, 2007 at 9:21 pm
I fell honored to share the 23rd with her.